Laurie, geezer-in-training

It's becoming more and more clear to me that I am no longer part of the coveted youth market, the target demographic that makes advertizers jizz their pants.

First it was the recent crop of Levi's commercials featuring tone-deaf people unashamedly belting out tunes at karaoke bars. The message I took away from those ads was that these are jeans for people who can't sing and either don't realize it or don't care. Even if I fit into their clothing, I'm not part of that market. I can, in fact, sing, but I wouldn't do it at a karaoke bar. Okay, perhaps if I were really drunk. But these days, drinking just makes my stomach hurt. How geezerish is that?

But the latest ads that make me feel old are coming from MTV. Their current ad campaign of billboards in the T and on the sides of buses feature such catchy slogans as:

"Can I catch MTV from kissing?"
"The best defense against MTV is abstinence."
"Three out of four people have MTV and don't know it."
"I'm itchy. Do I have MTV?"

So I've been looking at these ads and wondering just why MTV would want to equate their channel with unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases. Clearly, I am missing some fundamental portion of their message.

Ah, for the halcyon days of the 80s. Once I was part of MTV's target audience, back when they first started airing actual MUSIC VIDEOS (remember those?), but now it's a youth thing and I just don't understand. Before you know it, I will be yelling at people to turn down their goddamned music, taking therapeutic fiber, complaining about my bum knee, talking about "kids these days" and the great bowel movement I had this morning, and going to bed at 10 pm.

Oh, wait. I'm already doing some of those. No, I'm not telling you which.

April 6, 2001